Misplaced Priorities

We all can recognize misplaced priorities-in other people, at least. The problem with misplaced priorities, of course, is that it's hard enough to do what you need to do, without wasting time on things that aren't going to be important in the long run. You probably have a spouse, perhaps children, parents with increasing care needs, friends at church and in your neighborhood, not to mention a room full of energetic students. There are lessons to prepare, papers to grade, meals to fix, possessions to maintain, ministry to be carried out. Some of the more pious among us might deny this, but we all have felt the frustration that Solomon well expresses in the inspired book of Ecclesiastes:"All is vanity and vexation of spirit (or striving after the wind)."
That's OK. God's providence, even His hard providence, is good, and He provides what we need in order to do what He has called us to do. But the pressure reinforces the thought that we had better not be wasting our time doing things that don't matter.
So what's the important thing? More than grades? More than efficiency? More than perfect appearances? It's been summed up in a lot of ways, but it all comes down to godliness, doesn't it? We want our children to be what they should be as well as to do what they should do. There are lots of ways to accomplish that goal, of course, but the Scripture identifies three key sources of spiritual growth in every believer. Theologians call them the "means of grace." More simply, they are avenues through which God gives us the ability to grow more like Him-to be what we should be and do what we should do:

Scripture
Paul calls the Scripture "the word of His grace" and says that it "is able to build you up" (Acts 20:32). The book is power all of its own, and we need to keep our children faces (and more importantly, their minds) in it all of the time, reading, memorizing, meditating, applying. This is spiritual calisthenics-not always fun, but always profitable. We must not produce a generation of Christians who know "what they've always been taught" but are spiritually flabby.

Prayer
The Bible calls prayer "the throne of grace" where we "find grace to help in time of need" (Heb.4:16). How real is the prayer life of your children? More to the point, how real is yours? Paul describes his companion Epaphras as "laboring fervently for you in prayers" (Col.4:12). The Greek word is agonizomai, from which we get our word agonize. When was the last time you took prayer that seriously? One of the benefits of personal disasters-terminal illness, death of a loved one, a horrific crime-is that they lead us to take prayer seriously. We need more of that.

The fellowship of believers
Paul says that our words to one another in the body "minister grace unto the hearers" (Eph.4:29). We are placed together in the body for the primary purpose of building one another up. Your children, and mine, were placed in our family because God has designed us as parents with something they needed to be more Christlike.
That's why example is so much powerful than words. And that's why our first priority must be to live godly before our charges.

Misplaced priorities. Nobody wants to waste his precious time. Even as you do less important things, focus on what matters.

Defining Christian Education

Education is the developing of character, knowledge, and skill for a desire purpose. Most educators would agree that education should prepare the student to function well throughout life.
At the core of Christianity is Christ Himself - His person (who He is) and His work (what He does). Christian education begins by introducing the student to Christ - by bringing him to realize that there is a God (Gen.1:1) to Whom he owes allegiance and obedience (Hos.13:4) and that this God has revealed Himself perfectly in His Son (Heb.1:1-3). It does this for two reasons: that he may know Him (Phil. 3:10; John 17:3) and that he may be like Him (I Cor.11:1: II Cor.3:18). Once the student is regenerate, genuine Christian education can occur.
Just as Christ is the perfect revealing of God, so the Scripture is the perfect revealing of Christ (John 5:39). Christian education must recognize the Scripture as its primary written text. The student will learn theological doctrine from the Scripture, but Christian education depends on the Word for more than that. Since God is the Creator (John 1:3) and since He is truth (Ex.34:6; John 14:6), then all that is true comes from Him, and all subjects must be taught from His perspective. The Bible was not intended to be a science textbook, and a chemistry course will include large amounts of material that is not in the Scripture. But the Bible is accurate whenever it speaks to any subject, and perhaps more importantly, it sets forth a worldview - creationist and providentialist - that must inform and direct the study of every subject.
Education includes development of character as well as transfer of information. The character goals of Christian education will be Christian in the narrowest sense: they will imitate the character of Christ as revealed in the Scripture. Every part of the student's school day will reflect the purposeful discipline that is necessary to the development of Christ-likeness.

What, then, will the product of truly Christian education look like?
He is a born-again Christian who is purposefully pursuing Christ-likeness in himself and others. Accomplishing of the will of God is his primary purpose for living. As his God-given talents and abilities allow, he is a critical thinker. He enjoys learning and is devoted to continuing his education throughout his life because it leads him to glorify God. And because he has the intellectual and character-based tools, he will be good at whatever God has called him to do.

Children Learn What They Live

If children live with critism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live wit fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D

Pointing Boys Toward Manhood

Good men do not appear by accident. With dilligent prayer and careful discipleship, you can guide your son to manhood.
But nobody grows up well in an environment of inattention or diminution. To become decent and successful adults, children need direction.
A number of organizations, both secular and religious, have noted our culture's relative inattention to the importance of strong males in both home and society, almost certainly as the result of feminism's increasing reach into the primary cultural institution. Christian educators, including homeschooling parents, would do well to give attention to the effect they can have on their male students in directing them toward biblical manhood.

Biblical Data

What is biblical manhood like?
The Bible answer that question in two ways: by precept, or direct statement, and by example.
Scripture is filled with examples of godly men, from Job to Moses to David to Paul (and of course to Jesus Himself, who though fully God is fully man as well).
What are some of main ideas? What characteristics do we want to nurture in the lives of young men? What follows is a sample, but these are perhaps the most heavily emphasized in the Scripture.

Leadership Qualities

Most people are not the king, of course; there can be only one king in a nation because somebody has to pay the taxes. But God has ordained three institutions (home, state, church), and in two of them the Scripture directs that the leadership be male. The great majority of men, then, will be in some kind of leadership role, and we err if we do not prepare boys for that future role.
What qualities does a good leader need?

~ Humility
~ Responsibility / Dilligence
~ Self - control
~ Love
~ Attentiveness
~ Empathy
~ Courage
Christlikeness
~ Obedience
~ Devotion to the Father
~ Goodness
~ Knowledge
~ Endurance
Application
~ Responsibility
~ Interaction
~ Challenge
~ Clear direction

Good men do not appear by accident. They are the product of the work of the Holy Spirit, the study of Scripture, diligent prayer, and careful discipleship. In God's providence, you have been placed in a discipleship role for your sons. Disciple on purpose.

(taken from homeshcool helper BJU)

Top Ten Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids

Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children is the best way to ensure that they live a happy, successful and responsible life as an adult. Here are ten ways to help your kids attain a high degree of emotional intelligence:

1. Model emotional intelligence yourself.
Yes, your kids are watching very closely. They see how you respond to frustration, they see how resilient you are and they see whether you're aware of your own feelings and the feelings of others.

2. Be willing to say "no" to your kids.
There's a lot of stuff out there for kids, and your kids will ask for a lot of it. Saying no will give your kids an opportunity to deal with disappointment and to learn impulse control. To a certain degree, your job as a parent is to allow your kids to be frustrated and to work through it. Kids who always get what they want typically aren't very happy.

3. Be aware of your parental "hotspots."
Know what your issues are -- what makes you come unglued, and what's this really about? Is it not being in control? Not being respected? Underneath these issues lies a fear about something. Get to know what your fear is, so you're less likely to come unglued when you're with your kids. Knowing your issues doesn't make them go away -- it just makes it easier to plan for and to deal with.

4. Practice and hone your skills at being non-judgmental.
Start labeling feelings and avoid name-calling. Say, "He seems angry," rather than "What a jerk." When your kids are whiny or crying, saying things like, "You seem sad," will always be better than just asking them to stop. Depriving kids of the feelings they're experiencing will only drive them underground and make them stronger.

5. Start coaching your kids.
When kids are beyond the toddler years, you can start coaching them to help them to be more responsible. Instead of "Get your hat and gloves," you can ask, "What do you need to be ready for school?" Constantly telling your kids what to do does not help them to develop confidence and responsibility.

6. Always be willing to be part of the problem.
See yourself as having something to do with every problem that comes along. Most problems in families get bigger when parents respond to them in a way that exacerbates the problem. If your child makes a mistake, remember how crucial it is for you to have a calm, reasoned response.

7. Get your kids involved in household duties at an early age.
Research suggests that kids who are involved in household chores from an early age tend to be happier and more successful. Why? From an early age, they're made to feel they are an important part of the family. Kids want to belong and to feel like they're valuable.

8. Limit your kids access to mass media mania.
Young kids need to play, not spend time in front of a screen. To develop creativity and problem-solving skills, allow your kids time to use free play. Much of the mass media market can teach your kids about consumerism, sarcasm and violence. What your kids learn from you and from free play with others will provide the seeds for future emotional intelligence.

9. Talk about feelings as a family.
State your emotional goals as a family. These might be no yelling, no name-calling, be respectful at all times, etc. Families that talk about their goals are more likely to be aware of them and to achieve them. As the parent, you then have to "walk the talk."

10. See your kids as wonderful.
There is no greater way to create emotional intelligence in your child than to see them as wonderful and capable. One law of the universe is, "What you think about expands." If you see your child and think about them as wonderful, you'll get a lot of "wonderful." If you think about your child as a problem, you'll get a lot of problems.

Having a high IQ is nice, but having a high "EQ" is even better. Make these 10 ideas daily habits and you'll give your kids the best chance possible to be happy, productive and responsible adults.

© Mark Brandenburg

If I Had My Child to Raise All Over Again

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d build self esteem first and the house later.
I’d finger paint more and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing seriously and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less nagging.
I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often and affirm much more.
I’d model less about the love of power…
And more about the power of love.”


Diane Loomans